College Girl

MADPP a.k.a Mara American Degree Preparatory Programme . There I go . I continued my studies here where I need to have my foundation at this KKTM , Ledang , Johor . Next year I will insyaallah fly to US . Pray my luck . I dont have any passion in telling the MADPP in this blog . What would I tell today is about my turning world . Ive been in hostel with all those bullshit rules for 5 years . I used with all those hostel situation and rules . But as I step in here all those teacher's words are true . Really . No one would care about us anymore . Even the warden have their own bussiness . No more rules , no more insoection , no more surau . NO MORE . And i feel such a freedom girl . But i knew this is not tha right way . My world turn . I need to get my self alone and to make all te normal thing i do alone .I need to get ready to surau by myself . No more shoting from LDP or warden . No more . Its was the best feeling when we get those freedom but actually its a dangerous way to . We could alll be easily careless . Careless in everything . To make it clear prepared yourself well . Pray for me here , So guys I need to go . Last advice is be prepare in everyway . Take a good one throw the bad one . Dont make yourself lumpy in believing all those shitty word . Explore it . Then discuss . So , goodluck :)

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Deep :/ Do read if you are human .

Do read this till end . Please . Its very important actually . I just trying to open up your eyes . I just want you to see what you did . Please . Its time for you to realize . Open your heart widely , please .

Actually what did all of you expect from her . I really dissapointed with all of you . You treat her like she was your toy . You chose her but then you played her . You dont know how its feel if you are the leader . You were acting like you know everything while you know nothing . You know what ? That was really STUPID . Can you imagine what she feels ? Could you ? Okay , let me tell you , your STUPIDITY ! All of you decide to chose her . She was chosen . Then you beg her for everything you want . She try harder as she could . She sacrifice all of her energy , time and all she could sacrifice for you to make your dreams come true . But when she cant do what you want , you blame on her . You put her on pressure . You batch her . You talk bad about her .  But why ? She was your friends before . How could you did that to your friends . Is that what you called friends ? Really ? You know what ? What she did for you were more than what she dissapointed you . Dont you realize ? Open your eyes . Just because of one dream that she cant make it happen you forget all the things she did to you . You judge her . You push her . What did you think she is !?  A fairy !? A godmother !?  To make all of your wishes comes true . What the hell are you thinking!? Put a lot of pressure on her . Dont you realize how stupid are you ? Im sorry to say that but what were you thinking ? How could you ? She was your friends before . She sacrifice for you . But what you did to her was bullshit ! You know what she's going through ? She cried everynight thinking of you . She cried alone . She tried to be stronger with all the pressure and the pain you gives . But how strong a person could be ? Now think ?! Dont you feel it . Then what she did with all of your stupidity . She shut her mouth up . She doesnt tell anyone how hurt she was . She cried alone . She get up and try harder to make your dreams comes true , AGAIN ! But what you called her ; " what a leader she was ? " . All of you were crazy . What do you expect her to be . She is not god . She is not perfect even you are not perfect !! Stop judge people .

I know what you feel .You think you were strong , you were big , you were respected by everybody . So you could do some bullshit to them . Actually it is because you were surrounded by friends . I was your gang before . I really feel what you feel . But you know what I through now after I moved to other school . All of you throw me !  I was nothing to all of you . You ignored me . I suffered pain from all of you . Yes . All of the pain things that I wrote in this blog was about all of you ! You give me pressured . You did that because Im alone and you are surrounded by friends . Think seriously , is that friends you want in your life ? When I was your friends before I dont believe you would dare to do that such things to me . But now , I know its really happen . Yes , its really happens . The pain I suffered still feel the same . FYI its really really really hurt . You are the one that make me feel scared to trust on others . But its is not your fault . Its my fault ! Because I cant open my eyes to realize who is the real and fake friends .  I get stronger with all of you but the one make me die inside IS STILL YOU ! How pain it was . I am really really really hurt ! So , please open your eyes . Really really wide to know this . I dont want this happen to all of you . Dont expect someone is perfect while you are not . Please , its hurt . Really hurt . Do some changes now . At least respect your leader . You dont feel what they feel . Be a real friends . Im begging . I dont want all of you to be bad . I just want all of you to be respected by others . To be the real friends to each others ever even I was not there anymore . Please .

Sorry for all thing I said but its time for you to open your eyes , please . Im begging , friends :'/

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Never Give Up :)

I used to miss her . I used to like somebody . I used to scared to trust on somebody . And evrything I used to do is what I call life . I am bigger now . Maybe matured enough . So the thing is I had through many dramas , scene in my life . The happy and the sad one . What make me stay is I wll never gives up till the end . I believe in god .He the one that knew me better than I am . He planne dmy life . So He knew I can through it . Yup . I always fall . But why should I give up ? I will never give up . Yes , Im crying everytime I fall . Crying does not mean Im giving up but I just want to release it . For me it is the best way for me to stay strong . Everytime I fall , I learned something . That thing will taught me to not fall again for the same reason . Yea . Thats is teh only reason why I choose to never give up . Never give up on everything because He has a good plan for me . He knew me better than myself . That what I trust . So , I just need to stay strong and never give up . xoxoxoxo

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Pistanthrophobia :/

Please dont judge me . The thing I want to say is I scared to trust . I want to , but I cant . I dont know what to say but I am Pistanthrophobia . It means the fear of trusting someone . Sometimes I fell like I know I can trust you . Im just afraid of Ill keep telling you my problem s and you will get annoyed and leave me . Yes . That what sometimes I feel about trust . It was also harder for me to trust boy . I am really sorry , but I am surround by people being throw up by boyfriend and else . So I scare . A lot . I feel scared to trust . Thats the truth . And I am really sorry :/

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He :)

I dont know how to tell about this feeling . Erm . What I know is maybe it was , urm I mean it is love . Everytime I see the phone he pops up in my mind . Actually , yes Im waiting for him to text me . But , what should I expect . I am nothing to him . But I think I dont like him . But talking to him makes my day . But ... Ugh . This is harder than I thought .Too many whys and hows in my mind . Anyway he is not handsome but he is not too ugly . I used to like the way he text me . The way he talk with me . The way he care about me .The way he laugh .  All the way he is  . But its normal for a girl to have a crush , right ? I dont expect anything from him . Seriously , nothing . I just want to tell those feeling . The feeling which everytime his name was called my world turns upside down . I cant focus with what I do . I just want to know about him . Everything about him . Even through a crowd of a million people all I see is him . And I know this feeling will fade up anyway . That what we called life . Come and go . Im done . xoxoxoxo

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That was not long ago story

Bear you give me before :)

I know , it was a long ago story . But one thing you need to know is I miss to hug you . I miss the way we used to be gossiping every second about others . I used to miss the  way we laughing loudly to someone . I miss the way we used to sleep together . The way you company me whenever I cant sleep . The way you hug me tight . The way you cried on my shoulder . The way everything you are . The way you and me create the memory together  . And I dont know how to express it now because no one want to hear that story anymore . They said it was long ago . So I should forget and dont keep my mind replaying that memory . But for me it wasn't old . I still can feel that moment . I can feel it . I cant forget it . People keep saying I was in my world that cannot accept you dont want to be my bestfriend anymore . Yes . I dont want to accept it . And I cant ! I cant ! Please understand me :'( .
Please . Maybe you annoyed with me . Maybe you dont like the way I miss you but ive tried stop before . Tried to stop missing you . Tried to let you go . Tried everything to make you happy . But that was not easy to forget the one that give me so much to remember . I want the old you back . Please come back .Please .

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Crush :)

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